Hey hormones! You suck!

Things continue to be on the up-and-up with Roseboy. The other night we had one of those amazing nights where we talked about our feelings, and got to admit how much we like each other.

Most of our statements were prefaced by the phrases: "I don't want you to think I'm a freak, but..." or "I'm probably going to scare you away, but..." It's funny to think that nowadays it makes you a freak to admit you would like a serious relationship, or it could scare someone away that you actually really like them. In the end, he said, jokingly, "Would you wanna be my few-week girlfriend?" I said, "Yeah. I wanna be your girlfriend."

So... I guess here are the stats as they now stand.

V, age 21 years.

• 2 serious boyfriends to date, 1 semi-serious, and 1 current something
  
• Lost virginity to one of them at age 19
  
• Had sex with 8 people in 2 years (Started this blog at 4 people)
  
• 5 out of 8 were one night stands, 1 out of 8 was an ongoing hookup, 2 involved feelings
• Have been involved in some way with: white Protestant guys, Irish Catholic guy, Italian guy, black guy, Moroccan guys, Spanish guys, Chinese guy, Jewish guy. (I enjoy collecting ethnicities.)
• Haven't felt this way about a person since: High School (I think...)

I guess when I get into a new relationship, I like to take stock of my history and, well, my dating "status" if you will.

Last night Roseboy and I went on our first real date. We got dinner together at a really neat place (he wanted to pay but I wouldn't let him) and then went to see a total guy-flick chock full of guns and explosions and punching (I let him pay.)

After the movie, he turns and says, "Wow. I really got lucky." I guess not so many girls like bad-ass shoot-em-up movies... but I do. I also like to have sex all the time, to give head, to play DDR naked... just about the only thing that keeps me from being the best girlfriend of all time is that I'm not a sports fan. But neither is he, so it works out.

After the movie, we went back to his place. We both had to get up early, so we budgeted about an hour for a fuck-fest and then I was gonna go home. But neither of those things happened quite right. For some incredible reason.. I wasn't in the mood. And no matter how determined I was to get something done, I just wasn't. And he could tell. And it was embarrassing.

He said all the right things, like "I don't expect anything," and "it's really okay, I like cuddling." But I hate it all the same. I wanted to fuck his brains out- not get all emotional and vulnerable in his arms. I wasn't ready to show him that much crazy just yet. But at the same time, all I wanted in the entire world was for him to hold me and brush back my hair and tell me everything was going to be okay......... when everything WAS ok!

There was absolutely NO REASON to feel that way- the night had been great, and my life is generally pretty flippin' awesome! Yet... I was sad, scared, and vulnerable. I HATE not being in control of my own emotions. It took me between 2 and 3 hours to leave. We did have sex though... really slow, regular, "tender" sex.

I checked the calendar this morning. My period should arrive today or tomorrow.

Fucker.

Stomach Turns

Harry Potter should have been the most exciting part of my day today. I made sure I got done everything else I needed do because I was sure I wouldn't be able to tear myself away from the book for anything less than a level 5 earthquake.

And then, a mere 30 pages in, Roseboy calls.

I had taken the dustjacket off to protect it, and when I jumped to answer the phone, I accidentally creased it down the spine. That's intense.

And the moment the conversation started, my stomach started to turn. I could barely breathe, I was nervous. I had to go to the bathroom. It was a particularly painful and uncomfortable conversation. I mean, the conversation itself was fine, but I was physically falling apart at the seems despite how normal the interaction would prove.

You see, it's been two full days since I've talked to him.

I'm starting to wonder if this infatuation is healthy, literally and figuratively. Especially since I'm shipping off to the land of Harry Potter himself in less than two months.

The Stuff of Stories

Tonight is a night I will remember for the rest of my life.

I wasn't planning on seeing Rose Boy. I saw him the past two nights, and I have work, and asking him to hang out again could be interpreted as clingy or needy or obsessive... but I figured a friendly text wasn't out of the question. And then he invited me out, just for a little while.

A little while turned into the third night in a row of getting home at 2 am on a work night.

We went down to the center of town with designs to get a drink. But it was so beautiful out- warm with a cool breeze, and I suggested we lay in the grass. We found a secluded spot next to an old building and a dark parking lot. The sky was gorgeous and the air felt amazing against our skin.

And tonight we really talked. And it was honest, and comfortable, and he said all the things I wanted to hear. I asked him if he would be doing things differently if I weren't leaving in two months, afraid he was only this gung-ho about me since I was a short-lived, *easy* fling. Instead, he said that he would try to pursue a relationship with me if I weren't leaving. Butterflies. Oh, and he said I give him butterflies.

And, of course, I have to mention the part when my weight came up. We were talking about exercising and how good it feels, and I said something along the lines of "you should've seen me a year ago when i lost 20 lbs." His response? "Really? From where you are now? You must have been a twig!" "Hardly." "Eh, girls are too skinny these days." A little while down the line, amidst heavy rubbing, petting, and moaning underneath the night sky, he uttered the words "God, I'm so attracted to you."


He said, "Fuck! Let's try out some kinky shit this summer!" He said, "This is going to be an amazing summer." I agreed.

Perfect Guys and Not So Perfect Timing

Sorry I wasn't able to update for a couple days... I was too busy making out with a GORGEOUS boy.

Yes, my date with Rose Boy went really well. We walked around town a bit, and then decided to go watch a movie back at his apartment. And it was a good time. And then we made out for around four hours.

Here is what first tipped me off about the amazing Mr. Rose Boy:

He has this book, my Bible.

Yes, he wants to be a sex therapist. Yes he knows of feminist empowerment sex shops in the area. Yes, he is open about sex. Yes, he is experimental. Yes, he is not afraid to ask for what he wants. Yes he wants to use toys on me.

How did such a perfect guy fall into my lap? *Thank you Craigslist!*

And did I mention how cute he is? Oh man. He's a little guy- barely a centimeter taller than me, and I'm 5'3". Still, he is so attractive. He wears these awesome jeans that make his butt and package look so cute. And t-shirts. God I love a guy in a t-shirt and jeans. He's kinda punk-y and has tattoos!

This is my first tattooed man, and I really like it. He has a word that I wont disclose for privacy's sake above his right nipple (your left.) Oh, and his nipples.... this kid goes absolutely insane when you get near his nipples. Absolutely i.n.s.a.n.e. I like it. I love being able to drive him crazy. And I did.

I saw him again last night (two in a row! whoo!) and it was even better. This time we cuddled and made out in the nude. He makes me feel pretty comfortable with my body because he isn't afraid to throw out a few "you're so hot"s or "you're so pretty"s. And he grabs me and slaps me and runs his hands all over me....

He's artsy, alternative, hot, Jewish, and the potential for something real is, well, it's real.

He turned to me and said, "This is an odd hookup." Why? "Well, we kiss a lot and look into each others eyes, and play with each other's hands..." Yeah. It seems to be a little more than just a hookup.

He said he will just have to keep reminding himself that it is a hookup. I said... "well, maybe we could think of it a short relationship." He said, "An open relationship. That's what you would want, right?" I thought that was cute. I guess I do give off a bit of a non-monogamous vibe. But I said, "No. When I like a person, I'm not interested in anyone else." He seemed surprised, but pleased. "You're a faithful girlfriend?" he asked playfully while he snuggled into my neck. "Yes."

Like I said, potential.

And I leave the country in less than two months.

Is it worth it? Should I set myself up for heartbreak? Is it fair to set him up for heartbreak?

Rather than think about it, I sucked on his nipple and pressed on his taint, rubbed his balls and cock, and then gave him a spectacular blow job. When he came he screamed in a way I've never heard any guy scream before. Wow. Awesome.