The Real Thing?

Sorry I've been MIA for the past couple days everyone. It's been busy, emotional, and completely insane.

Last night I was at Roseboy's, wrapped in the fuzziest blanket from the waist down, wrapped in his hairy arms from the waist up. My head half on his shoulder, half on the pillow, my lips slightly below and behind his ear, kissing and kissing.

I whispered in his ear, against all my better judgment, "I'm falling for you." Without pause, he said, "I've already fallen."

Then he got very flustered and agitated. He started speaking really fast, using his hands. His words were jumbled and confused... but basically he was saying how strange this all was, and how much it scared him that he was feeling this way, so soon, and at the end of his spastic explanation a sentence just tumbled out of his mouth: "I fucking love you."

My heart fluttered and jumped inside my ribcage. I grabbed him and kissed him hard. "I love you!"

It was if he was in shock. "I never say it first," he said. "But I've been holding it back for two weeks... I don't know why, what's the point? If you feel it you should say it, right? I mean, I think I'm old enough to know, right?" He just rambled on and on. Terrified.

"I mean," he said, "I can see our life together." He closed his eyes and put his hand on his forehead, embarrassed. "I can even see our kids."

"They'd be short." I say. "Yes, but cute." "Very cute."

I have never been able to talk about marriage or kids or anything like that with a guy before. One boyfriend started picking out furniture for our "future," for "fun," and I told him right then and there that I would never marry him. He said I was mean. "Honest," I said.

And from the agitation, I can tell that Roseboy isn't used to this kind of talk either. In fact, he told me that usually in his past relationships, girls would say "I love you" and he would decide right then that he needed to end it.

It's so new, and so strange.

I've always thought that "love at first sight" was bullshit. I am starting to wonder if I was too quick to judge. This wasn't love at first sight, but it was certainly fast, and felt right... right from the very beginning. It feels different, it's strong and it's intoxicating. Is this it? Is this what it feels like when you meet Mr. Right?

And am I blowing this way out of proportion? Am I reading far too much into the little coincidences- like the fact that we have the same ringtone and like the same music and went to the same camp when we were 14... Am I reading too much into our sexual compatibility? Our the fact that we were both punky little alterna-kids in high school?

It's so intense. I feel drunk. And terrified. And so happy.

Is this really happening?

I told him the cheesiest line. It came out sounding exactly like a "line" from a movie... but the thing is, it's true, and exactly how I feel.

"You are what I've always been looking for, I just didn't know it until I met you."

And even still he managed to out-cheese me.

"I had a dream when I was 15, about a girl, 'the one.' She looked alot like you. She had the same freckles around her mouth. That's what I remember, her mouth. It's your mouth."