Saturday, July 28, 2007

Anxious

This week I have felt very anxious. It started that night I mentioned a couple posts ago when I just lost control of my emotions and let the boy see a little more crazy than I had planned. Things went basically back to normal after that, except not completely. I've still felt very anxious all week.

For almost two weeks now, my nipples have been extremely sensitive, if not in pain. They are feeling a little better now, but I have to admit it freaked me out.

Speaking of freaking out... I was supposed to get my period on Wednesday. I started wearing my Keeper that day, so I'd be prepared when it came, and then checked it that night, the next night, the next... nothing.

I've been off my birth control this month. I use the Nuva Ring, which I love, but every now and again I lose track of time and forget to take it out after 3 weeks. Then I get like a 48 day cycle instead of 28 and that can't be good for your body. So... after fucking up my cycle like 3 times in a row, I decided to go off it for a month to let my body "reset." Then I met RoseBoy.

We used a condom every time. No breakage, no accidents.

But a late period plus nipple soreness is bound to leave a girl suspicious. Today I ran some errands with my dad and he asked if I needed anything at Walgreens. "Oh yeah, I need to pick up some shampoo, some nail polish remover, and a home pregnancy test. Will you be paying Dad?" Yeah right.

I am not freaking out just yet. I have been getting cramps this week, especially today, which I think is more likely to be a sign of a period rather than a pregnancy. I used to get horrible cramps before I went on birth control- hell that's why I even started taking it in the first place! (That, and the fact that I wanted to lose my virginity.) Cramps at this point in a pregnancy is more likely to spell "miscarriage" than "baby shower," anyway.

Please, oh please, let me bleed out this anxiety tomorrow! There's nothing like an abortion to keep a 3 week old relationship together. Or, on the way less likely hand, there's nothing like a new baby to force a guy you just met to stay in your life forever. Oh, and I guess I wouldn't be going to grad school either.

And trust me when I saw I will NEVER go off my birth control ever again. Ever.

2 comments:

Unknown said...

Hi,Like your post MK from behind closed doors listed you so I started reading.Keeep up the good work and I hope the outtcome of your situation is what you wish.

Mysterious MK said...

i didnt get my period for 3 months when i went off the pill last fall. sometimes it just takes time. especially if you have messed up your cycle. take a pregnancy test if you want to know whats going on, but i have an inkling that youre not pregnant. try to relax, anxiety can keep your period from coming too...